GRANNY BARKES UPDATE... Slight delay to publication date.
Well folks Granny Barkes Fell in Woolworths will not come out tomorrow. I have been informed that the publication date will now be Monday 18th December 2023.
That's fine - a week before Christmas. What a Christmas stocking- stuffer it will make!
Back some years ago, when I was doing the rounds of literary agents with Granny Barkes, I had a very nasty letter from one agent. He asked how I could have the gall to send him such rubbish. I have kept this gentleman's details and on the day Granny Barkes hits the bookshelves he will get a specially inscribed copy with the inscription reading: Put that in your pipe and smoke it Nancyboy!
FOR FUCK'S SAKE...how much longer is this pitiful wankfest going to continue?
ReplyDeleteGene, acknowledge the following facts:
[1] The novels you claim to have written - "Solomon's Portico", "The Man who heard Jenny Lind sing", "Heartbreak at Hillingdon High" and "Granny Barkes fell in Woolworths" never got past a laboured, unpublished and unpublishable first chapter. Likewise your lockdown novel is not only un-titled but unwritten and hence un-publishable.
[2] Your "devotional work" - "The Psalms" - likewise consisted of a plagiarised and shallow first chapter or, possibly, only a photoshopped picture of its cover in this blog.
Next Saturday, December 16th 2023, will be the seventh anniversary of your declaring yourself, on this blog, to have become a full time professional writer.
During those seven years you have written, sold and published not a single word.
You are a complete and utter failure as a writer, which surprises no-one who has ever read this blog, consisting as it does of the plagiarised work of people sufficiently skilled at the craft to be paid to write and publish. As Harold MacMillan said long ago of the Liberal Party manifesto, this blog is a mixture of good and original writing.
Unfortunately, as he went on to see, the parts that are original are dreadful, and the parts that are good are not original.
So it is with "Gene, a voice in the wilderness."
There is no novel called "Granny Barkes fell in Woolworths"; there never will be, and your persistence in this pathetic falsehood makes me wish that we could meet, so that I could kick your balls to a pulp.
[signed]
Detterling
Author of three academic Advanced Level texts, and two syndicated columns for the Westminster Press, one of which ran for over two years of weekly publication.
"Well folks Granny Barkes Fell in Woolworths will not come out tomorrow. I have been informed that the publication date will now be Monday 18th December 2003."
ReplyDeleteAT LAST! the mystery is solved. Gene lives in a parallel universe where he is an actual writer, albeit a universe which is twenty years slow. This is the only way to account for the fact that "Granny Barkes fell in Woolworths - and Marianne pissed her knickers in C & A" will not be published on Monday 18th December 2023, but on Monday 18th December twenty years ago in 2003 - see the top of the post above. As it happens, December 18th in 2003 was a Thursday, but who's counting?
Either that or, smarting from the serial humiliations dealt him by Detterling yesterday, Gene took to the bottle earlier than usual and was seeing double when typed up this latest preposterous lie.
Gene "Gutless Vermin" Vincent, Stephen Yaxley-Lennon of Literature, aka the Wankers' Wanker.
Ducky Duckworth