I thought I would try my hand at a modern-day, Booker-type novel. Herewith the opening chapters. Any thoughts?
YOU GOT IT ALL DUDE
Chapter 1
Sophie sat in her tiny studio apartment, scrolling through her Instagram feed. She had just graduated from college with a degree in marketing, but so far, all she had been able to find were unpaid internships. She felt like a failure, like she was never going to be able to make it in the real world.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. That's when she heard a knock at the door. She got up, wondering who it could be, and opened the door to find her best friend, Emma, standing there with a huge smile on her face.
"Hey, girl!" Emma said, giving Sophie a hug. "I have some news for you."
"What is it?" Sophie asked, curious.
"I got us tickets to the biggest music festival in the country!" Emma said excitedly.
Sophie's eyes widened. "No way! That's amazing!"
"I know, right? It's going to be so much fun. We'll get to see all our favorite artists in one place."
Sophie felt a spark of excitement in her chest. Maybe this was just what she needed to take her mind off of her worries.
Chapter 2
Sophie and Emma arrived at the music festival, their hearts beating with anticipation. The air was thick with the sound of music and the scent of grilled food. They wandered around, taking in the sights and sounds, until they stumbled upon a small stage in a quiet corner of the festival.
There was a band playing, but they weren't like any band Sophie had ever heard before. The lead singer had a voice that was raw and emotional, and the lyrics of their songs spoke to her in a way that she couldn't quite explain.
After the set, Sophie approached the lead singer, a tall, lanky guy with shaggy brown hair.
"Excuse me," she said nervously. "I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed your set. You guys were amazing."
The lead singer smiled at her, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Thanks so much. It's always great to hear that we've touched someone with our music."
Sophie felt a connection with him, like they were kindred spirits. She found herself wanting to know more about him, to know what made him tick.
Chapter 3
Sophie spent the rest of the day wandering around the festival with Emma, but her mind kept drifting back to the lead singer. She couldn't shake the feeling that there was something special about him.
As the sun began to set, she found herself wandering back to the small stage where the band had played earlier. To her surprise, the lead singer was still there, sitting on a stool with a guitar in his lap.
Sophie approached him tentatively. "Hey," she said softly. "Can I sit down?"
"Sure," he said, patting the ground next to him.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the distant sounds of the festival. Then the lead singer began to strum his guitar, playing a soft melody that sent shivers down Sophie's spine.
"Can I sing something for you?" he asked.
Sophie nodded eagerly, and he began to play a hauntingly beautiful song that he had written himself. As he sang, Sophie felt her heart swell with emotion. It was like he was singing directly to her, like he understood everything she was feeling.
When the song was over, they sat in silence for a few moments, both lost in their own thoughts.
"I feel like we have a connection," the lead singer said finally.
Sophie looked at him, her heart racing. "I feel it too."
Chapter 4
Sophie and the lead singer spent the rest...
I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but this is worse than Granny Barkes fell in Woolworths.
ReplyDeleteCan't you see what I am doing here Detterling? I'm trying to appeal to the young reader - predominantly female. This is Mills and Boon meets Booker. Booker without the pretention. If reaction is good to this sampler I will go ahead.
ReplyDeleteI am also going to try a children's book. Again, if reaction is good to a sampler I will publish I will go ahead with the project.
GENE
You may be trying to appeal to the younger reader - presumably the illiterate and thick younger reader to judge from this - but you are failing to do so. This is terrible writing, because you are a terrible writer, with no gift for characterisation, a tin ear for dialogue, no idea of plotting and development, and the delusion that to appeal to the younger reader you can do it by using ancient slang like “dude”, constructions like “off of”, “like” instead of “as if” and “I know, right” when you mean “yes”.
ReplyDelete“Mills and Boon meets Booker” - dear God, Gene, you have no idea what you are talking about. It takes skill to turn out Mills and Boon - tight plotting to one of a dozen or so rigid formulae, characters established with economy and developed with equally economic dialogue and precisely described action. “You got it all dude” makes Barbara Cartland seem like Tolstoy.
ReplyDeleteAs for writing a children’s book, forget it - it’s the hardest genre of all to master and requires great technical skill and a strongly developed empathy with children. You have no technical skill as a writer and about as much empathy as a toilet seat.
Give it up. Gene: all you have to show for SEVEN YEARS as a “full time professional writer” is a dozen assorted first chapters or opening scenes of plays all of equally terrible and totally unpublishable quality, and 2,000 words of sub Joycean gobbledygook which no one in their right senses would spend money on publishing. We both know that Granny Barkes Fell in Woolworths is never going to see print and that sooner or later you are going to have to face the humiliation of admitting this - and I promise that I will rip the piss out of you mercilessly when you do.
But in the meantime, find another pastime to while away your retirement commensurate with your abilities - fretwork, perhaps, origami? The Eurovision Song Contest? Or perhaps something more outgoing - morris dancing or bell ringing. Either way, give up the idea of writing for a living. You are to literature what Tyson Fury is to embroidery.