Dear old Detters, yes, herewith an olive branch...
Detters your nephew is absolutely right. It is disgraceful that we should be at loggerheads - and twenty years of loggerheads! Detterling we must negotiate. But as President Kennedy once said: 'Let us never fear to negotiate but let us never negotiate out of fear'.
Now I propose to make a very generous gesture to you and family Detters. All... you, Delia, Sebastian, Cuthbert, Julian, Edgar, Lucretia and Ffiona will be delighted. This will hopefully confirm my intentions to seek peace.
Over the past year or so Detters I have observed, since the publication of Granny Barkes Fell in Woolworth's, your animosity towards me increase markedly. Now, we both have a responsibility to halt this.
Anyhow my proposal is this: that I invite Lucretia and Ffiona down to Uxbridge to spend Easter Week with me. Easter Sunday falls on 20th April. I will meet the girls at Kings Cross station. From there it is a straightforward journey on the Metropolitan Line out to Uxbridge. Marianne will be away until the evening of Friday 25th but I am more than capable of looking after the girls. First stop in Uxbridge will be a visit to Five Guys' burger bar. You know how much young people love burgers and Five Guys do the very best.
Five Guys' burger bar in Uxbridge
Then it is on to Chez Vincent and I settle the girls into their rooms. I will be home alone so no worries about space. Maybe then we will watch a Netflix film and milkshakes for a late evening treat.
Next morning is is up early to a healthy breakfast prepared by Gene. I will then show your grand daughters my work studio in my converted summer chalet in my back garden. I'm sure they will be thrilled to see the workspace of a professional writer. Then I will show them my garage housing my unpretentious Nissan and my 1957 Vauxhall Cresta lovingly restored by myself and my son Paul some years back.
Then it's off up to London and what a whirlwind of activities over the next two days:
Madame Tussaud's, the London Planetarium, the London Eye, the Houses of Parliament, the London Tate, the National Gallery, Oxford Street, Chessington World of Adventure, the Tower of London, Selfridges, Harrods etc. Exhausting just to think about it, but how the young girls will enjoy it!
Wednesday sees a highlight of the week. A two-day trip to Torquay. Staying at the Imperial Hotel. Did you know that this was the first five star hotel outside of London? At the hotel, in case anyone thinks something untoward might be going on, I will pass Lucretia and Ffiona off as my grand daughters. Hope you are okay with this Detters.
Imperial Hotel Torquay
In Torquay it will be swimming, sunbathing, sailing, surfing and lazing on the beach - me in my baggy swimming trunks and the girls in their bikinis. We will have such a great time.
Then Friday it's back to Uxbridge. Marianne returns on Friday evening and will join us in a slap up meal at Nonna Rosa in Uxbridge High Street.
Saturday morning I will leave the girls at Kings Cross for the journey back to Newcastle.
Detters the ball is in your court to make a response to this most generous proposal.
All the best,
GENE
Don't waste your time unless you are prepared to observe the following conditions:
ReplyDelete[1] withdraw and apologise for the filth you wrote about my wife - that you had a consensual sexual relationship with her - and never again refer to her in any way;
[2] withdraw and apologise for your claim to have fathered my beloved son on my equally beloved wife - and never again refer to him in any way;
[3] withdraw and apologise for your presumptuous and sickening pretence that you have corresponded with my nephew, his husband and son - and never again refer to them in any way;
[4] and above all, do not soil my beautiful grand-daughters by inventing names for them and arrogating to yourself any kind of acquaintance with them - and never again refer to them in any way.
Having you refer to them even by the ludicrously pretentious names you have made up for them makes me with that I could injure you seriously and permanently. It is as if I had watched you grope them as you did the defenceless young women you victimised at Douay Martyrs for your own perverted sexual gratification.
You won't agree to any of the above, of course, so to save you time I should tell you now - for the twelfth time - to shove your olive branch, along with the dove, up your arse.
Gene, I loathe and despise you and everything you represent and I have since the first lie you told about me all those years ago when you bottled out of our meeting at King's Cross. Which is why my exposure of you to the world at large, so far in its earliest stages, will continue as and when I get around to it.
Matthew 24 v 36 also refers.
"watched you grope them as you did the defenceless young women you victimised at Douay Martyrs for your own perverted sexual gratification."
ReplyDeleteThere never was any groping. We have been through this ad infinitum.
GENE
Of course you groped these defenceless young women, Gene: and no matter what you say, everyone will soon hear from these (by now) middle aged women who will undoubtedly have been emboldened by the Me Too movement. I imagine they will obtain great satisfaction from dropping you in the shit.
ReplyDeleteNor has my animosity increased since, having failed to find a publisher for the execrable Granny Barkes, you paid to have it self published on Amazon. I was astonished at how bad it was, amazed at your effrontery at posting reviews purporting to be by respected critics such as A N Wilson, and delighted to have my opinion of it confirmed by the market, selling fewer than a hundred copies in a year.
ReplyDeleteMy own publishing record is modest, but it is real - three textbooks, commissioned by publishers, who paid an advance, a further advance on publication and royalties on sales. Even now, my membership of the ALCS brings in a small dividend from these twice a year. Likewise, I wrote two paid newspaper columns syndicated to Westminster Press for local press publication and collaborated on a third on behalf of a counselling service. As I say, modest but real.
So no animosity, Gene: pity at your delusions about the quality of your writing, yes: contempt for your effrontery in expecting readers to see literary value in the pitiful rubbish that is Granny Barkes, yes; and a trace of concern at your continued descent into psychosis, yes.
“Now, we both have a responsibility to halt this.”
ReplyDeleteNo, we don’t. My loathing for you is caused entirely by your relentless nastiness in attacking my views and insulting me for holding them, as well as the filth you have written about my wife and family. Add to this the presumption of your claiming involvement with my nephew and his family and that is all there is about it.
You have had dozens of opportunities to stop doing all of the above, but have spurned them all. And you have spurned them because, as a Pound Shop Boris Johnson, like a pantomime J D Vance, you are convinced that the rules of common decency don’t apply to you.
How wrong you are about this last will become only too painfully apparent to you - in instalments - during the next few moments.
So: insert the olive branch and the dove (mind your arsehole on that beak!), then straddle your legs, bend forward with your head between your knees and kiss your arse goodbye.
Correction to the above:
ReplyDelete“…How wrong you are about this last will become only too painfully apparent to you - in instalments - in the next few MONTHS…”
"Detters the ball is in your court to make a response to this most generous proposal."
ReplyDeleteThere is no point in dignifying this demented drivel, the wet dream of a dirty-minded drunk, with a response.
Wow! Gene you are such a generous man. Detterling do not deny Lucretia and Ffiona such a treat. Do not cast aside such an offer towards peace.
ReplyDeleteMary Winterbourne
There is no point in dignifying this demented drivel, the wet dream of a dirty-minded drunk, with a response.
Delete