OVERHEARD IN HARRIS & HOOLE...
(An occasional feature)
Tuesday 8th August
Myself, Mary Winterbourne, Ducky Duckworth, and Tony of the Big Saloon met at my invitation for coffee this morning at Harris & Hoole in the High Street. We were privileged to be joined today by Johnny Bluenote. Johnny Bluenote has supplied the illustrations for my book Granny Barkes Fell In Woolworths which will be published in December 2023.
The following was overheard:
GENE: Okay folks, thank you all for coming. I have gathered you here for an important celebration. Let's raise our cappuccinos. Today we celebrate the ending of the Detterling versus Gene feud. Yes, after eighteen long years the feud has finally ended. And it has ended in total and unequivocal victory to Gene. Detterling has gone. He has thrown in the towel. His defeat came about through his malicious and false allegations. He brought down upon himself such opprobrium, odium and public contempt that he was left with no option but to disappear with his tail between his legs.
ALL: Hooray! Hooray! Congratulations Gene!
GENE: Double cappuccinos all round chaps (and chapettes). Chocolate eclairs. All on me.
MARY WINTERBOURNE: I guess we all saw it coming. Detterling was really losing it. But he was still retaining that insufferable arrogance. Thinking that he knew better than the Church about Original Sin! Some of his utterance became quite bizarre. To be honest I thought he was sounding an unbalanced and deranged individual:
Who but a deranged individual could state that Saint Francis of Assisi would turn in his grave at the knowledge of a Franciscan Friar protesting about abortion?
Who but a deranged individual could ask where Jesus had condemned fornication?
Who but a deranged individual could say that we do not know what Jesus would have thought about sodomy?
TONY OF THE BIG SALOON: These chocolate eclairs are absolutely delicious.
INCULCO TUO BLOG SURSUM ASINUM TUUM, DONEC SAPIENTIAM TUAM DENTIBUS ABSOLVAS - I
ReplyDeleteGene/Mr and Mrs Anonymous of Torquay/Sinead Doris O’Connor-Stokes/Sir Henry Rawlinson/Cuthbert Detterling/Tony of the Big Saloon/Ducky Duckworth and Mary Winterbourne:
This message is addressed thus because all of you are the same person – the outstandingly unpleasant Robert Willoughby Kennedy.
THE MESSAGE IS SHORT AND SIMPLE – YOU CAN STUFF YOUR BLOG UP YOUR ARSE.
Reasons? well, above all, your behaviour in the last week has summed up your repulsive personality in all its unlovely aspects, which has helped me to realise two things. One, that I have wasted far too much time – that I shan’t get back – trying to beat some common decency, humanity, compassion and common sense into your impenetrably moronic and bigoted head; and two, that I need now to dismiss you from my life once and for all. You have always been, in my experience, an irredeemably nasty piece of work; lately, however, this nastiness has curdled into a toxic pathology that I genuinely believe to be psychotic. How do I detest and despise you? let me count the ways.
In the first place I detest and despise the overweening and iron-clad self-importance with which you announced that I was “suspended” from your blog: utter bollocks, of course, because all you did was block the comment facility for anyone without a Google account. And in any case, it is only the troupe of imaginary friends to whom this message is addressed who ever make any comment. In the second place I detest and despise your complete and utter bogusness – you are a fake, through and through: as witness, the string of ridiculous messages from the imaginary friends listed above. You must wake up every morning and wonder who to become that day – a terrifying thought. In the third place I detest and despise your complete lack of humour – “Shinead Doris O’Conner-Stokes” is obviously meant to be funny but doesn’t come within a mile of raising a smile – coupled with your uniquely nasty insensitivity; making fun of the late Sinead O’Connor, a tragically sad lady who lost her son to suicide a year ago and has now, quite probably, done the same to herself. Then there is the dazzling hypocrisy – you feign heartbreak and distress at my levelling a ridiculous insult at your uncle, and then, so to speak in the same breath, forge and publish a fake letter from my “nephew” in which he purports to disown me. The hypocrisy of that action is bad enough – but what turns it from nauseating humbug into a psychosis is your complete inability to recognise or feel responsible for either the hypocrisy or the humbug. And then of course there are the ridiculous literary pretensions – the seven-year career as a “full time professional writer” which has produced not a saleable or publishable word, the ludicrous saga of the non-existent “Granny Barkes fell in Woolworths” now to be published for “the Christmas Market”, the other novels which consist entirely and only of a faked up book-jacket and a terrible opening chapter – “The Man who heard Jenny Lind sing”, “Heartbreak at Hillingdon High” and now the equally terrible “lockdown novel”, which, so far from being greeted warmly on TES Staffroom, was met with equal measures of derision, incredulity at its dreadfulness, and indifference, all of which it thoroughly deserved [continued below].
INCULCO TUO BLOG SURSUM ASINUM TUUM, DONEC SAPIENTIAM TUAM DENTIBUS ABSOLVAS – II
ReplyDeleteAnd then there is your ridiculous, pathological vanity, whereby you smother your own arse in kisses, typically expressed in your uniquely insipid and flabbily laboured prose: “But Gene, we know you are a merciful soul…the quality of mercy is not strained…how generous of you, Gene…your lockdown novel…elegant cadences reminiscent of Brideshead Revisited and The Great Gatsby…” – what dreadful, pretentious, and utterly worthless crap that is. That last phrase says so much about you – the pretension to critical acumen, the equating of two books which could hardly be more stylistically different – you can always be relied on to make a complete arsehole of yourself when you attempt to show off. In the larger scheme of things, both of us are nonentities: but whereas I couldn’t care less, your narcissistic personality disorder prevents you from seeing just what an inconsequential little creep you are.
But, finally and crucially, it is your despicable betrayal of a principle you claim to revere – that of free speech – that stinks the internet out. Put simply, your belief in free speech is completely false: yet one more of the attitudes you strike in order to portray yourself in your own eyes as less of a failure and a posturing and irrelevant clown.
Did you really believe in free speech, you would not have removed – FIFTEEN TIMES - so many of the posts I made a couple of weeks ago detailing the vile nonsense you have written about my family and me over the years. This you have done purely because you know that those details are truly a record of your dismal nastiness, and that I can prove, by means of screenshots, that they are. And they destroy completely the worst falsehood you tell everyone – and worst of all, tell yourself about yourself – that your Christian faith is genuine, and that you live it out in your daily life.
You don’t: you betray the commandments of Christ almost as often as you open your mouth, put finger to keyboard or post yet another plagiarised article on your blog: you are a living, breathing blasphemy.
Did you really believe in free speech you would not have “suspended” me for paying you out in your own dud coin by insulting a member of your family.
Did you really believe in free speech you would not have “suspended” me for offering a reasoned, reasonable, and logically deduced point of view regarding Calvin Robinson and his putative views on Ugandan homosexuals – a point of view you merely gainsaid without ever attempting to refute – because, of course, you couldn’t.
Which is why I reiterate it here: Calvin Robinson, for so long as he fails publicly to dissociate himself from the murderous Ugandan legislation of May 2023 concerning homosexuals, can reasonably be considered to support it by his continued membership of GAFCON and the Global South Fellowship.
I have spent too much time already on you, and I have no more to waste. I will not contribute further to a blog run by a pretentious, bogus, humourless, insensitive, nasty, hypocritical, ignorant, illiterate bully and narcissistic would-be petty tyrant, who lauds the idea of free speech but then censors anyone who exercises it in a way which doesn’t suit him. That said, I will check on it weekly, and WOE BETIDE YOU IF YOU EVER PUBLISH ANOTHER WORD ABOUT MY FAMILY.
It is for all these reasons, Mr Kennedy, that now I tell you to stuff your blog up your arse, there for it to join the rest of the shit with which you are filled.
Detters we are all in Harris & Hoole at the moment. We have come straight from Mass. Coffees are being served and we will now discuss you comments.
ReplyDeleteGENE
Asked about his recent intervention concerning the Church of Uganda’s support for the Ugandan parliament’s Anti-Homosexual Act (News, 9 June), he (ARCHBISHOP JUSTIN WELBY) reiterated that he disagreed “very strongly” with the criminalisation of gay people. But he also emphasised the need “to be fair to the Ugandans” when it came to the definitions in the legislation.
ReplyDeleteDetters we read with interest you comments. Yes, we understand. One big difference however between you and Gene is that Gene admits his faults - you don't. Gene admits that he takes pleasure from sneering, scoffing, belittling and upsetting souls in a totally capricious fashion. He knows he will answer to the Almighty. You seem to think you are a superior soul who will get off Scot free for your sins.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that in your comments you neglect to consider is the effect on your fellow Anglicans of your malicious lies about Father Calvin Robinson. You have brought down inexpungible opprobrium on yourself through your wicket actions.
Regards,
All at Harris & Hoole
PS
CHECK OUT JUSTIN WELBY'S COMMENTS. HE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE EXACTLY CONDEMING UGANDA METHINKS
GENE
Sorry; CONDEMNING
ReplyDelete