OVERHEARD IN HARRIS & HOOLE...

(An occasional feature)

27th April 2026

Myself, Mary Winterbourne, Tony of the Big Saloon and Frances 'Fanny' Dango got together this morning in Harris & Hoole. And surprise, surprise, Johnny Bluenote was able to join us. We had so much to discuss.

MARY WINTERBOURNE:  Well, we all know why we are here today. Gene has been greatly distressed by false and malicious comments posted by Detterling about Gene's father and Great-uncle. We offer Gene our support and help in avenging this malice.

GENE:  Yes Mary. Thank you all so much.

My father was a brave and honorable man. An RAF pilot during WWII he was stationed at bases at Killadeas and St Angelo on Lough Erne in County Fermanagh. He and his brave companions protected the essential North Atlantic convoys. When we were children he used to take myself and my late brother Paul for summer holidays in County Fermanagh. We explored the remains of those air force bases. Killadeas falls within the Roman Catholic parish of Devenish. In the parish graveyard there is a special section where seventeen RAF pilots are buried. It's so sad that those brave men gave their lives so that a renegade like Detterling now takes the freedom they fought for to abuse those deceased pilots and my father and his valiant companions who put their lives on the line every day. Bastard!

FRANCES 'FANNY' DANGO: Disgraceful. For me Detterling is the most slimy creep ever to crawl out of a Tyneside sewer.

JOHNNY BLUENOTE: The bar steward should have his ass repeatedly kicked all the way out to Wallsend. 

GENE: And the way he traduced the memory of my Great-uncle Claude! 

My Great-uncle Claude was a lovely, kind and generous man. For example, with great perspicacity he foresaw my future as a writer and made me a gift of a Remington manual typewriter when I went up to Oxford in 1975. 

Yes he was a homosexual man but he was celibate all his life and a mainstay in his C of E parish in Richmond, Surrey.

TONY OF THE BIG SALOON: This cries out for revenge. I suggest Swashbuckling Mulligan be drafted in to write one of his devastating satires.

FRANCES 'FANNY' DANGO: How I loved that last satire! Remember how it ended! Detterling collapsed dead as a doornail on the sofa. A few minutes later Delia was laughing and joking with Gene on the phone and both were concocting some outrageous hanky-panky.

GENE: Yes folks. I will have a word with Swashbuckling Mulligan.

But, let us now be downhearted. Remember the great recent victory we have had with the defeat of the plans to bring assisted suicide to this green and pleasant land. Let us raise out drinks to that great victory.

ALL: Hip! Hip! Hooray!

GENE: Now let us raise our drinks and have three cheers for Cardinal Vincent Nichols and Richard Moth Archbishop of Westminster who led opposition to this evil bill.

ALL: Hip! Hip! Hooray!

GENE: Now let us raise our drinks and have three cheers for Dame Sarah Mullally, Archbishop of Canterbury, who so strongly opposed this evil bill.

ALL: Hip! Hip! Hooray!

GENE: Now let us raise our drinks and have three cheers for the kick up the ass the failure of this bill has delivered to Detterling and his pinko liberal ilk.

ALL: Hip! Hip! Hooray!

GENE: Now let us raise our drinks and have three cheers for the kick up the ass the failure of this bill has delivered to that silly old bat Esther Rantzen. 

ALL: Hip! Hip! Hooray!

GENE: 

ASSISTED SUICIDE

IT SHALL NEVER BE

NOT IN MERRIE ENGLAND

LAND OF THE FREE.