AN OPEN LETTER FROM CUTHBERT DETTERLING TO HIS UNCLE DETTERLING...
Dear old Uncle Detters, yes it's your long-estranged nephew Cuthbert. I am writing to congratulate you. I am joined in this congratulation by my partner Julian and our adopted little boy (not so little anymore) Edgar.
Now I know you are wondering what I might be congratulating you about...
Well Uncle Detters it is because you did not 'out' Gene on Candlemas Day as you had threatened to do. Such action would have been so morally evil - such a level of malice that even the News of the World in its heyday would have balked at.
Just like myself, Julian and Edgar, I am sure that Delia, Sebastian, Lucretia and Ffiona must be so relieved.
Gene had been in regular contact with me over the weeks before Candlemas Day and he was in a most dreadful state. He wrote to me that he had a dream one night in which he saw a front page of the Daily Mail which read:
'His hands were everywhere'
Dozens of female teachers accuse Gene of historic sex assaults
One lady, Ms X now in her 50s, told the Daily Mail:
'I first encountered Gene when I was 21 in my first year of teaching.
Several times he patted me on the backside with a leering grin. Once he entered my classroom and, on the pretext of congratulating me on my wall display, hugged me.
It was awful. His hands were everywhere.
He also said to me that he would like to mount me from behind Doggy-style.'
Gene woke up in such a panic. In fact the very next night he resorted to Charles Dickens' remedy against suicide: a generous chunk of cheese and a bottle of red wine.
So congratulations Uncle Detters and let's hope that no such evil threat is made to Gene ever again.
Your loving nephew,
Cuthbert
PS: we named Edgar after you. A tribute to your abiding interest in the famous psychic Edgar Cayce.
"He also said to me that he would like to mount me from behind Doggy-style.'"
ReplyDeleteGood old Gene!
Gary Bandall
I think that I may have had something to do with Detterling not 'outing' Gene. I had vowed that I would come up to Tyneside and repeatedly kick Detterling's fat ass all the way out to Wallsend if attempted such a thing.
ReplyDeleteDucky Duckworth
Gene, do not refer ever again on this blog to any member of my family, either by their status - wife, son, nephew, great-nephew - or by the names you have allotted them as part of your grubby and libellously insulting fantasies.
ReplyDeleteTo make things crystal clear, that means that you will not refer ever again to my wife "Delia", my son "Sebastian", my nephew "Cuthbert", his husband "Julian", their son "Edgar", or my grand-daughters "Lucretia" and "Ffiona".
I have watched you testing the water in the last few weeks as you always do, in your conviction that the rules of common decency, good manners and Christian charity need not apply to you. I have not reacted because I knew that eventually you would overstep the mark as you have today, with your insulting lie that my nephew and I are estranged - a lie you have been over the years warned against re-telling; and now a lie you have told for the last time, Gene.
One more syllable about my family on this blog, and you will be exposed: in the Catholic community of West London, at the Douay Martyrs Catholic High School, to the Diocese of Westminster, to the Catholic Herald and to the Reform Rabbi Jonathan Romain.
Moreover, on this occasion you will be exposed BY NAME - a step, the last time your vicious libels of me and my family overstepped the mark, I had decided not to take. I considered that inflicting personal disgrace was a step too far in view of the pain that it would cause your wife - a miscalculation I do not propose to repeat. It is evident from your disregard of common decency, good manners and Christian charity that you don't give a toss for your wife's feelings any more than you give a toss for mine.
And if you don't care about your wife's feelings, why should anyone else? why should I?
You bloody, bloody fool, Gene: you have taken advantage of my charity towards your poor, unfortunate wife once too often, and so personal disgrace it is.
A final point: as revenge is a dish best served cold, you need to know that your exposure will be piecemeal and gradual - during Lent Douay Martyrs, at Passover in April Rabbi Romain, by Pentexcost Fr Nicholas and Ms Angela Atkins in Uxbridge, and, depending on the outcome of the Holy Father's current illness, the diocese of Westminster and the Catholic Herald during the summer.
Goodbye Gene.
PS Don't waste time, Gene, bleating about free speech and malicious evil and all the rest of the self-basting crap.
ReplyDeleteOne tiny example from the repulsive heap of malign nastiness and dirty minded insult you have levelled at me and mine over the years; which at the same time also illustrates why this blog is a form of literary cancer and you a despicable maggot, and why your long overdue comeuppance is now on the move.
In the post above supposedly from my nephew you make this reference:
" 'He also said to me that he would like to mount me from behind Doggy-style.' "
which you also pick up in the supposed comment from your sock-puppet "Gary Bandall":
' "He also said to me that he would like to mount me from behind Doggy-style." Good old Gene! '
You are well aware, Gene, how hurtful was and is your despicably filthy pornography about having buggered my wife, and how much pain that disgraceful insult pained me.
And in referencing that now, and twice, you have located a bruise and twice, with malice aforethought, punched it with the sole intention of renewing the original pain and compounding the original insult.
That is why I now intend to take my revenge on you as I have indicated above. The chances are that you won't learn anything from it, but as to that I neither know nor care. All that I require is for you to be publicly humiliated, and my scheme should do the trick.
"I think that I may have had something to do with Detterling not 'outing' Gene. I had vowed that I would come up to Tyneside and repeatedly kick Detterling's fat ass all the way out to Wallsend if attempted such a thing.
ReplyDeleteDucky Duckworth"
Care to comment on this Detterling?
GENE
It is this kind of ridiculous bluster that suggests that your psychosis is beginning to coagulate into full blown mental illness.
DeletePretending to be someone else - someone who doesn’t actually exist - you write a nonsensical post levelling a non-existent threat at someone beyond your reach - and you expect to be taken seriously? Completely deranged and hence ignored.
Adrian Purves-Brownrigg, Solicitor at Law.
It is utterly futile stupidity.
ReplyDelete'...about having buggered my wife,'
ReplyDeleteThis never happened.
GENE
So you will explain to Father Nicholas and Ms Angela Atkins that you could not possibly have intended to cause me pain by what you wrote about my wife?
ReplyDeleteThis is because you didn’t claim to bugger her, but rather to have simply fucked her from behind - so that’s all right, isn’t it Father Nicholas and Ms Atkins?
Dear GOD, how crassly STUPID are you?
Face it, Gene, you are for it.
Detterling you'll be hearing from me. Do you think I will allow myself to be bullied?
ReplyDeleteGENE
Furthermore Detterling methinks thou doth protest too much.
ReplyDeleteGENE
Oh, stop bleating and piffling, you stupid bugger.
ReplyDeleteIt’s a simple choice.
Behave like the Christian gentleman you claim to be, or be made responsible for the filth you have published about my family and me, whilst cowering behind anonymity - ie, bullying me to accept without redress whatever kind of diseased shit you care to throw at me.
If you can’t take it, you shouldn’t dish it out or bleat about free speech or malicious evil when someone pays you out in your own dud coinage.
Post ONE SYLLABLE MORE about “Delia”, “Sebastian”, “Cuthbert”, “Julian”, “Edgar”, “Lucretia” or “Ffiona” and you will be publicly exposed by name without further notice from me to all the people named in the third post on this thread.
And by way of encouragement, know that any further bulllshit, bluster or attempted negotiation from you on this matter will result in my exposing you to Father Nicholas and Ms Angela Atkins with no further delay. You don’t care about your wife’s feelings, so I don’t feel that I need to.
You won’t be hearing from me.
But you may hear from Fr Nicholas and Ms Atkins- it’s up to you.
Why this obsession with Fr Nicholas and Ms Atkins? Both are hard-working and conscientious and a credit the the Catholic Church. They do not deserve to have to attend to malicious correspondence.
ReplyDeleteGENE
Stop trying to treat this as if it were a matter for discussion and negotiation, Gene.
ReplyDeleteIt isn’t.
As for Fr Nicholas and Ms Atkins, it is precisely because they are conscientious, hardworking and a credit to the Catholic Church that I will, if you don’t shut up now, send all the blog material you were so concerned to delete last December to them.
I am confident that they will act to silence such a terrible advertisement for Catholicism as you without delay and require considerable penances of you for the malicious filth and relentless bigotry - not to mention the systematic plundering of copyright material from dozen of writers - of which this blog is almost entirely composed.
Last word, Gene. Behave like the Christian gentleman you claim to be or prepare for public humiliation.
"He also said to me that he would like to mount me from behind Doggy-style.'"
ReplyDeleteOh! Gene! You randy sod. You are a one!"
Sugarboy Nando