REPOSTED

 OVERHEARD IN HARRIS & HOOLE...

(An occasional feature)

Thursday 20th July

Busy in Uxbridge today - election to replace Boris Johnston. I summoned Tony of the Big Saloon, Mary Winterbourne and Ducky Duckworth to Harris & Hoole as there is something important I want to discuss with them. 

The following could be overheard:

GENE: Well folks I have summoned you here as there is something rather important I wish to discuss with you all.  It concerns Detterling. 

DUCKY DUCKWORTH: Has he died?

GENE: No Ducky, he hasn't died. 

MARY WINTERBOURNE: He has now accepted that Man following the Fall is no longer in God's image? He has accepted the doctrine of Original Sin?

GENE: No Mary, the silly old tosser is still claiming that homosexuality is God-given.

MARY WINTERBOURNE: After all that has been explained to him about Pelagian heresy!

GENE:  Detterling has not the slightest understanding of the Book of Genesis and is arrogant enough to unilaterally dismiss the Doctrine of Original Sin. 

And arrogance, insufferable arrogance, is his trade mark. For example he recently dismissed the phenomenon pf Medjugorje and asserted that the Church had disclaimed it. Of course the Church hasn't and at this moment the Vatican is progressing plans to have Medjugorje made a Pontifical Shrine. For good measure Detterling has diagnosed one of the Medjugorje visionaries mentally ill. The old phony has never been to Medjugorje and has never met the lady in question. Yet he pronounces her mentally ill - something a whole parade of medical experts who have examined her over the years has not done.

DUCKY DUCKWORTH: What a canting old phony!

GENE: Anyhow, I have called you here because I have a dilemma. You all know my commitment to freedom of speech. 

MARY WINTERBOURNE: Gene you are an outstanding champion of freedom of speech.

GENE: Well Mary, it may be that I have to set this aside in respect of Detterling.

TONY OF THE BIG SALOON:  How so?

GENE: He has this week committed two outrageous abuses of free speech. 

Firstly he has cruelly traduced the memory of my Great-uncle Claude. You have often heard me talk of Great-uncle Claude. Yes, he was homosexual - only a gay man could wear the type of cardigan he favoured - but his homosexuality was never discussed in the family. Great-uncle Claude was a gentle and generous soul. He was a celibate man whose life revolved around his work in fashion retail, his local parish - alas C of E and his music. He taught me so much about music - from William Byrd to Ivor Novello. He was so generous. When he died in 1983 he left me a substantial sum which was such a propitious windfall as I was going through my divorce and marriage annulment at that time and was on my uppers.

It is so hard to see such a soul traduced.

Detterling also this week made the most evil calumny against Father Calvin Robinson. He stated that Father Calvin supports the execution of gays. This is outright Satanic malice. 

DUCKY DUCKWORTH: What a bastard!

GENE: To conclude, I will now give him until next Tuesday, 25th July (the Feast Day of Saint James), to withdraw both these dreadful allegations and apologise. 

If he doesn't on his own head be it.

TONY OF THE BIG SALOON:  Did any of you watch the Wimbledon men's tennis final last Sunday?