GRANNY BARKES FELL IN WOOLWORTHS
Granny
Barkes fell in Woolworths ... she'll get a free ride in the ambulance
Ha! Ha! Ha!... The just man falls seven times... Look! See the tracks
of Santa's feet on the hearth... I'll break your ould desk... Say what
may the tidings be, on this glorious Christmas morn?... He's lost his
apple cake... Look! Look what Mairead has made!... That would bury Dick
and Diamond... Indeed he went all the way to the whiney nough... I'm
getting a wheelbarrow tomorrow: it's brand new ... I can't sleep with
excitement... This is a day above all days... No, we are off to school,
c'mon Eddie... I heard a roar between two hills... L to the water Jimmy
Harte... I wish that day would come back again... And flying my kite...
What happened to your lorry Jim?... Owner not liable for accidents... Lay on MacDuff... Archibald A. Funk... Edward's day
out... He cut down a tree from the hedge of the car road with a hatchet -
yes, but it's his birthday... I don't know; maybe so... Zat no terrible... I think they
did... Look at the size of the flakes! Look at the size of the
flakes!... There's a stepmother's breath in the air... He stole
matches... Stone taw! Stone taw!... Oh! I love to play when the decorations are up... If I was
you I'd build a wall... I would pull the gun on any man... He's a good maker... The Irvines of the wheel, the wild men from
Borneo... Time waits for no man, not even John Roy... Jeremiah, blow the
fire; puff, puff, puff... Your man has killed Tinker Weir. He'll be hung. You poor woman... Blue ink, black ink, and good red ink... See
that sycamore tree? By the end of November there won't be a single leaf
left on it... Secundam scripturas... Has he no ears?... Some cherry-cheeked apples he saw on his way... Hey! Don't touch
that coal scuttle, that belongs to Stanton Bailey... That's the biggest
laugh I've had since I put salt in the sugar bowl last week... I'll get
ye Tony... James Hugh Monaghan from Dernee, a warrior I do beliee...
Hurling by bum, hurling by bum... Ya'll come now? Oh! that do make it nice... Belledotie, Belledotie… I'd give you a guarantee... Grroah! Murphy!... You are very unsatisfactory... I
was reading The Messenger... Yes, and truly, you are best... Drinking buttermilk all the week, whiskey
on a Sunday... Back to back, belly to belly, don't give a damn about
Yarnarelli... Come day, go day, God send Sunday... The chocolate tree,
the sweet tree... The waters wild went o'er his child and he was left
lamenting... 'Ma mither is a queen', said he... It was dull, deadly dull, at Solitude... This new wheel of
fortune has just come from France... John Johnston's horses are in your
corn... What's ahead for Tom McNeely?... Which one's thaaat?... Night's for rest, night's for rest... There's a yellow rose in
Texas... "Hot diggity, dog ziggity, boom, what you do to me, when you're
holding me tight."... A field in Larne... Would it be physical?... A
stew boiled is a stew spoiled... The Minster-clock has just struck two,
and yonder is the Moon... Boys obtuse... And the hunter home from the
hills... My hand is in my hussyfskap… Wait
'til I get another stone for you Cyril... McAree, McAra, McAvarn
K-Kunny, put in your white foot 'til I see if you're my mummy... What signals regression in an individual?... Bara
lynsey, bara lynsey... Hanif? Barrington? What's the difference baby doll?... Patch upon patch sown without stitches; come
riddle me this and I'll give you my britches... Are you ruptured?... I'm just warning ye... "Hold on, my door was
hit too."... Joe Worthington, Joe Worthington you'd sit till you'd
rot... Come to the water fit a thank ye, fit a thank ye, fit a thank
ye... Dazed I stepped forward to be congratulated by Lord Erne... Most postmen are dishonest and do steal money from envelopes... Sam McVey... I washed my hands in water; water never run, and I dried them in a
towel that was neither wove nor spun... And red breeches... Here comes I Wee Devil Doubt,
the pain within, the pain without... Peeping round the door in the khaki
there to see the old pair once again... UVD?... Hey! you guys you gotta wear ties... When I was a lad so was me
Dad... Ta Ra Ra Bam, Ta Ra Ra Ching, Ta Ra Ra Bam, Ta Ra Ra... 'Twas on a
Sunday evening that Barlow's it was robbed: Mrs Barlow went down to the
room to get a treacle scone, but when she saw the moneybox, the money
it was gone... Genitori, Genitoque Laus et jubilation... Dowsey wee Tawbey... We'll get away again... He relies too
much on his effing muscles... The Protestant boys are loyal and true:
they are in me eye says Donal Abu... What's the 'with thee' for? What's
the 'with thee' for?... Sonny outlook... On a brick-coloured ticket, that's brick
Pat... All in!... Water! Water!, er , Tea! Tea!, with two lumps of
sugar and a spot of milk... You're aye putting it off... I wonder, yes I wonder, will the angels way
up yonder, will the angels play their harps for me?... Whistle and I
will come to you me lad... Get that Teddy Boy haircut out of my
sight!... The one with the black bucket is the best... Paw! Haw! Haw! John's just laughing at us... The shadow of the
Valois is yawning at the Mass... Sandy Row on an Easter Monday, every
day's like an Easter Sunday... It's always Torchie and the second years... Willie Ruckie... Milled today, fed
tomorrow... It's long and it's narrow, it's not very wide, it wears a
green selvage on every side... Let us finance you project... Tilly Versailles... "Yes, yogurt is very good for longlevity"... Yes and truly you are
best... No more tomorrows in your career... Naw Ivy, he's nae comin doon… Dr Whitehead... Piss, Piss Iceland dog!... First game for Richmond and not turning up? I was offhand with the woman... You were a greasy little leather boy in 1956... Tickets are sixpence each and I hope you all win...
Andera Keck K-Keck K-Keck K-Keck... We sell only the best E..E..English
C..C..Coca Cola... Aye but, naw but, could you cut turf?... Hollyhocks!
Hollyhocks! over Bobby Lyttle's garden wall... It's well known that he has an atomic soul, and when it soars it does aesthetically so... Well, there's the name on the letter... Curran; Curran naturely… I don't know where I left it; I must have left it in my diary... Sugden's regret was that he had wasted police time... "You took the coat
hanger to it."... The seas obey, the fetters break and lifeless limbs
thou dost restore... You could easily stand on Kelly's hills and count
his skinny ribs... Barefooted thatcher, Pa Bunty... Have you got a wagon
to put these wheels on?... Leave your briefs with us... Lauda Jerusalem Dominum, Lauda Deum tuum
Sion... Man attacked and thoroughly beaten; attackers make off in a posh
car... Swiftly, silently and unseen... It's a knock on! It's a knock on!... You see Missus D; there's the
cow and there's the gate... "C'mon... let's get home for the beef and
spuds."... Ecce Panis Angelorum… Can it be I can't see the curtain?... Dee daw Marjorie Raw... You're idle for
stelk... Saucepan gossiper... Corduroy for every boy, cordurat for
every cat... We're the boys that fears no noise, we are the bold
Drumarda boys... On Saturday night we all got tight and Cassidy brought
us over... Silver Saturday, jink night... Listening to the footsteps of
the boys from Tedd... Dick Nan's: just the spot for a picnic... Are we seeing daylight?... That last brattle was terrible... Listen
to me George: "Would you like white stones on your grave?"... Fish away... Going to the hop? Should be good... At least when it rains in Torquay it is still warm... You know I have an affection for thee... Miss Minihan may laugh; but Miss Minihan is a barbarian... I've got an interview with the COM. Social Committee... When life stretched out before him he refused to look that way... The
bespectacled roadman... Have you ever been to Bellevue Kitty?... Chick a boom, chick a rack; chick a boom,
chick a rack, and the yellow skirt goes swinging... Pete the birdman will now fly... I've had a pie... And the hunter home from the hills... What age are you now?... Mr. Marley has been
dead these seven years, Scrooge replied. It's fair now Auntie... He died seven years ago, this
very night... Too strong Grandad, too strong... Go on Balfour!... Santa
Agatha, ora pro nobis... "Pope Pius XII died during the night."... The
Ypres Salient at Night... Histracy... Wherefore have you left your
sheep on that stony mountain steep?... Eee ba gum lad, some good motorbikes oop north... Hi for a toffer and hi for it
still; and hi for the wee lad lies over the hill... The river eddy
whirls... Beati Michaeli
archangelo... Put a table in the hall and it will do fine... And he
fully did... Jimmy Hicks is not in hell... Rushe came down last night... Tis but a Dolly Mixture... I know my nick name... Uncle Merry... For aye for guide: very good
neighbours, but keep your back to us... Apostrophe at the Post Office
today... Let the reindeers go. Let them go!... For God's sake Master, you couldn't do them sums... Good morrow Mick...
No-one will read your papers... Oh! Hugh is staunch... Jack's in
Diviney... Smithers... Stick to your job... You're only making a faddle (fardel) of
yourself... Here's Dalzell; "I'm going up the stairs now."... I could be in Kensington tomorrow... There's a car... The image of a girl... Deeper than the wishing well...
Ballina, Balnabroka, Anahinahola, don't show the white feather wherever
you go... Carolina moon... What a beautiful day! What must heaven be
like?... Do you know our d'Brian?... There they are... Who got hit?... You're nice Miss Rice.... I see
said the blind man... Better class walnut Mollie...The fish in the pond are seeing red as Bobby is
fishing with Coates strong thread... And all round Peter Brewer's car... Foldorol… Silent Ginnio; holy Ned... And those who come from distance
far are always late for tea... Oh! to be in Doonaree... All day all
night Marianne; down by the seaside sifting sand... Look at the way
he's twisting that stick... Now it's tied; now it's tied; and now it's Tide... He went from the livery stable... There's a cock's stride on the dunghill... All silver no brass. Bad money won't pass... Samson Burke, Sammy Berg: Who's kidding who?...He won't know himself in this lovely
place... You've given me a taste of fame... I predict she'll soon be back with Desi Arnaz Jr who phones her nightly from California... There was a wild colonial
boy Jack Saltey was his name. Gory night in Yonkers... Geoff Duke. Teach these kids how to play ball... Ballydainty… Brockman here... Elenore Gee! I think you're swell... A train-band captain eke was he from Ballylucas town... The people they call me
Calypso Joe. Peas ... er, from our garden. Delish... Oh! my diploma... I
win a pound... The ancient ring post snapped like a matchstick... I
think, I think, that she's the mostest of the lot, and furthermore she
is the only chick I got... Nicolette, I can pick 'em!... Raddle diddle
da ha ha... A great time of day to be in such good humour... They all
wore black coats and black top hats and they turned and went up to your
room... Deep, deep river, away, away... Early morning light, Rat ta-tat
ta-tat ta-tat. Rat ta-tat ta-tat ta-tat...
For fuck's sake - not this appalling shite AGAIN?
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