OVERHEARD IN HARRIS & HOOLE...
(An occasional feature)
1st August 2026
Myself and Mary Winterbourne, Eva Spotisswoode and Tony of the Big Saloon got together this morning in Harris & Hoole:
MARY WINTERBOURNE: Gene I see that Detterling has been at it again. Posting heinous falsehoods about your Great-uncle Claude.
GENE: Yes Mary. Silly old prick says he's keeping my blog under attack. I take that with a pinch of salt. He's too old and befuddled to keep that up. Besides every time he turns up he will be reminded of the odium and public contempt that befell him when he made those false allegations against my Great-uncle Claude - a man he would not hold a candle to.
What I think we should do today is recall all the laughs he gave us over the last twenty-one years plus.
MARY WINTERBOURNE: I know that the biggest laugh I had was back when he had that legendary exchange with you Gene on the TES website. It went:
Detterling: I know you probably despise me Gene
Gene: Well if I ever gave it any thought I probably would.
GENE: HA! HA! HA! Yes, that was funny. My own particular favourite was when in the midst of some spat on the TES Opinion Forum he coqeuttishly suggested he might show his bare ass in Fenwick's Christmas window in Newcastle.
MARY WINTERBOURNE: Dear God! What a dreadful spectacle to contemplate!
TONY OF THE BIG SALOON: I loved that time he arranged to meet you Gene at the Bloomsbury Crest hotel up in London. He wrote that he would be wearing a blue denim jacket, lovat chinos and green woolen socks in open-toed sandals! How we laughed! Sir Henry had field day.
ALL: Well, let's raise our cappuccinos to Detters, Delia, Sebastian and Cuthbert. Cheers!
Reduced to plagiarising yourself, Gene: desperate times for the Groping community. Wanking much these days?
ReplyDeleteAs well as claiming that famous exchange of dialogue between Rick and Louis from Casablanca to be your own, you larcenous bastard.
DeleteAs well as claiming that famous exchange of dialogue between Rick and Louis from Casablanca to be your own, you larcenous bastard.
DeleteRepeating yourself again Detterling? Oh well. That's dementia for you.
DeleteYou repeat yourself all the time, you repetitious arsehole; you've never had anything to say, but you keep on saying it with at balls-aching length and frequency. Groper Vincent, the human sound-loop.
DeleteSwashbuckling Mulligan writes:
ReplyDeleteA decrepit old poofter, named Claude,
With buggery grew rather bored;
His libido then sank
to a fortnightly wank
for a quid - all he could afford.
An elderly pederast called Nancy
ReplyDeletefound that sodomy tickled his fancy;
with soldiers and sailors
and tinkers and tailors,
But policemen were rather too chancy.
Swasbuckling Mulligan writes:
ReplyDeleteA sub-literate wanker named Gene -
nasty, thick, cruel, vicious and mean -
wrote a terrible novel
[the reviews made him grovel] -
a "never was", not a "has been".
Well, that's it. Don't say you weren't warned. Swashbuckling Mulligan will strike on a day you know not. At an hour you know not. There will be weeping and wailing and grinding of teeth.
ReplyDelete