SWASHBUCKLING MULLIGAN WRITES...
Cuthbert and Julian
Hi Gene,
Good to see that you are off to Iona and Lindisfarne soon. You need such a spiritual break. Being a writer can be such an onerous burden.
Please see another illustration of Cuthbert and Julian.
Swash...
Indeed, Groper, being a professional full-time writer can be an onerous burden, but in your case it's even more of a burden to pretend to be a writer at all, when in fact you couldn't write a coherent shopping list.
ReplyDeleteIt's even more of a burden to pretend to be a professional full-time writer, Groper, when no-one has ever paid a penny to publish anything you've written.
It's even more of a burden to pretend to be a professional full-time writer, Groper, when the only work of yours in print is a vanity publication for whose publication you had to pay.
It's even more of a burden to pretend to be a professional full-time writer, Groper, when that vanity publication - Granny Barkes Followed Through in C & A Modes - is 14,000 words of pretentious, meaningless drivel - Finnegans Wake twenty-times watered down - bulked out with forty equally meaningless photographs lifted from out of copyright newspaper archives.
It's even more of a burden to pretend to be a professional full-time writer, Groper, when you had to invent reviews by genuine writers and critics - A N Wilson, Arianna Stassinopoulos and Christopher Ricks - because you made Amazon pull the only actual review anyone wrote because it told the truth, which is that Granny Barked Pissed Herself in Marks and Spencers is, even when judged as crap, total crap.
And It's even more of a burden to pretend to be a professional full-time writer, Groper, when Granny Barkes Followed Through in C & A Modes sold 117 copies in two and half years, and you had to stop Amazon printing its position in the Best Seller [sic] table once it had bombed as far as six millionth.
But never mind, Groper, all will be revealed when I interview you next month at Harris and Hole [sic].
A. N. Wilson
Ooh! Matron!
ReplyDeleteBut what about that illustration of Cuthbert and Julian?
A picture tells a thousand words.
Gene
As always, Groper, when you are faced with uncomfortable truths, we get plagiarised piffle. Seeing your long-standing narcissistic personality disorder finally giving way to the reality of your complete failure as a writer is a total pleasure. Gene “Groper” Vincent, the Alan Partridge of literature.
DeleteRepeating yourself again Detters. How sad.
DeleteWow! What a picture! Right out of Village People methinks.
ReplyDeleteTony of the Big Saloon
You poor, sad sod, Groper.
DeleteYou poor, sad sod, Groper.
DeleteRepeating yourself again Detters. How sad.
DeleteWow! I say! Who needs Village People when we have Cuthbert and Julian!
ReplyDeleteSebastian D'Orsai
Pitiful.
ReplyDeleteRoll on June 22nd and the beginning of Gene's total humiliation.
ReplyDelete