DETTERLING GOES TO CONFESSION...

In preparation no doubt for the falling of the final curtain Detterling attends confession. His confessor is Archdeacon J.C. Flannel of the C of E parish of Blaydon Races.

Detterling: Bless me Father for I have sinned,

Archdeacon J.C. Flannel: How long has it been since your last confession my son?

Detterling: Actually I have not been since 1972. Which was also the last year that I shaved. Have had a beard since then.

Archdeacon J.C. Flannel: So you haven't been shaved or haven't been shriven since 1972? Tee! Hee! Hee! Hee! It's the way I tell 'em.

Detterling: Very good Archdeacon.

Archdeacon J.C. Flannel: And what sins do you wish to confess my son?

Detterling: The Sin of Onan. Yes over the years endless masturbation. 

Archdeacon J.C Flannel: Well, in your case I figured as much. One can always tell. And my son is this masturbation still continuing?

Detterling: No, it ended when I developed erectile dysfunction.

Archdeacon J.C. Flannel: And you are truly sorry for all those years of masturbation?

Detterling: Well, I guess so.

Archdeacon J.C. Flannel: Any other sins my son?

Detterling: Yes, I have a life-long fear and loathing of gays and lesbians.

Archdeacon J.C. Flannel: Really! This is most strange.

Detterling: Yes, I know. Publicly I am a committed supporter of  the Gay Lobby but the truth is that I hate and despise all gays.

Archdeacon J.C. Flannel: How has this come about my son?

Detterling: It's a long story Father but I will encapsulate it. Back in my school days when I was in the Sixth Form I was accused by my fellow students of engaging in masturbation. I was hauled before the Student Council and the charge was substantiated. I was sentenced to be sent to Coventry. The Chairman of the Student Council who communicated the sentence to me was gay. Ever since then I have hated gays. But of course I pretend the opposite. To protect my pinko-liberal, Left-wing credentials I pretend to support the Gay Lobby. I know that it's so hypocritical. Recently a gentleman named Swashbuckling Mulligan wrote a devastating satire on my hypocrisy. I was knocked for six.

Archdeacon J.C. Flannel: Hypocrisy is a terrible sin. Remember Jesus was harsh only with hypocrites.

(To be continued)