Tyneside man fakes his own death sensation!
Tynesider Canting Detterling, aged 77, is at the centre of astonishing revelations that he faked his own death and used his wife's identity to spread this false news. It's not the first time that Detterling has faked a death: back in 2011 he faked the death of his gay nephew claiming that he had committed suicide.
Friends and neighbours are shocked and stunned. He even posted details of his 'funeral' service. His parish priest, The Worshipful Rev E.I. Addio, commented: "We can't believe it. Who would have thought that old 'Lardass' would be capable of such deceit? He will of course be excommunicated from the Church of England. Archbishop Justin Welby will see to that as a matter of priority when he returns to his desk from sabbatical."
Detterling's wife Delia aged 31 has reportedly left the family home taking their twelve year-old son with her. Rumours that she has gone to stay with Gene Vincent in Uxbridge have not been substantiated.
Detterling has not made any statement. When a reporter from the Evening Chronicle visited his home he appeared briefly in his front doorway wearing a Sixties blue denim jacket, lovat chinos and green woolen socks in open-toed brown leather sandals. He muttered "F**k Gene Vincent" before slamming the door closed.
Gene Vincent will issue a detailed statement on these shocking revelations next week.
QUESTION: WHAT HAS AN IQ OF 150? ANSWER: 15 GENE VINCENTS
ReplyDeleteIt has taken Gene SIXTY SIX days to work out that he has been, once again, hoaxed and made a complere mug of by his old nemesis - Detterling.
Since "Delia" made her first post on the subject, there has been NOT ONE WORD in which it has been clearly stated that ANYONE - let alone your old nemesis Detterling - has died. There has been much euphemism, elision, implication and inference, but not a single definitive statement. I knew it would get past you, Gene, because you are so lazy and inattentive to anything that doesn't directly affect you.
The lazy inattentivemess of your reading is paralleled only by the matchless self-regard of your reaction "I am in a state of shock", "Did he say anything about me before he died?", the seedy prurience of "What were Detterling's last words?", the ludicrously self-important bombast of "This blog will close for twenty four hours as a mark of respect", and the pack of lies about the memorial tankard at The Good Yarn, as if I'd want to be memorialised by a gaggle of posturing drunks. Not to mention the stomach-turning insistence that you are my friend - my loathing for you is intense and complete.
Mind you, Gene, you are not as big a mug as you used to be, I'll give you that. It took you a monumental 594 DAYS to realise that the string of preposterous stories I sold you for most of 2019, all of 2020 and the first months of 2021 were complete hoaxes, and that you had taken your blog down for nothing.
In contrast, SIXTY SIX days by your standards counts as lightning fast reaction.
Still and all, it's been fun.
And it will go on being fun. The Tony Corish/Douay Martyrs dossier will be assembled over the next few weeks, and we will end the fourth year of your retirement with your resounding disgrace at your old school. along with the vindication of Rosy McTeatray, whose charges before the governors you escaped by lying about being Gene Vincent. All safely screen-shot and saved.
See you in the headlines, Mug.
If Delia has gone to Uxbridge she will be 'well looked after' by Gene.
ReplyDeleteTee! Hee! Hee! as Gene would write.
Sir H