TES OPINION FORUM MEMORIES

(Quite a few TESSERS are now turning up on this blog. They are most welcome. Tessers enjoy the following.)






(This homily was delivered on Easter Sunday 2017 in a C of E church on Tyneside by a visiting C of E pastor who wishes to remain anonymous.)


Dearly Beloved,


First let us get all the Tyneside colloquialisms, aphorisms, clichés and platitudes out of the way:


"Northern born and northern bred. Broad in the arm and thick in the head" "nooling"  "charver"  "mint" "belter"  "away the lads" "hinny" "wor lad" "gan nin" "howay" "Geordie's lost his penga" "Toon army"  "Bonnie lad"  "Doon the double ra" "Scotswood Road"  "The Blaydon Races" ...


Oh! my. Doesn't that feel better? (laughter)


Now dear brothers and sisters we have all heard the quote from Edmund Burke:

“Evil thrives when good people do nothing”

This is a quote that stirred my heart. Evil has surely made itself known and one does not have to go far to see it or hear about it. This quote has applied to each and every one of us from the beginning of creation until the end of days on earth.  From a Christian perspective, I have recognized the necessary participation we as believers need to have in this world.  Now this morning I would like to apply the corollary to Edmund Burke's observation and state that: "Evil disappears when good men do something."





Edmund Burke

Dear brothers and sisters let us cast our minds back a few years to a dreadful reign of terror that befell England's green and pleasant land. This occurred on the Opinion Forum of the website of the TES publication. Many of us are familiar with what happened but let us refresh our memories. A nefarious grouping, who became known as The Clique, gained a hold on Opinion Forum. The Clique was composed mostly of  pinko liberal and extreme left-wing Fascists and their agenda was to exterminate all opinion that did not go along with their support for such left wing/liberal causes as the Gay Lobby and pro-abortion, pro-euthanasia stances. To say The Clique carried out a reign of terror is to totally understate. These guys made the Waffen-SS look like 'bob a job' Boy Scouts.

In those dark days on Opinion Forum you toed the pinko liberal line or else! Many suffered horrendously. A recent account by a survivor  - a lady named Annie Baker - I recommend to all of you.  Her book is entitled:

ORDEAL! 
THE TALE OF MY TORMENT AND SUFFERING
 INFLICTED BY THE CLIQUE

and it makes harrowing reading.

The Clique activities were led by pinko liberal  par excellence Obergruppenführer  Detterling. He was aided and abetted by a dreadful woman from Glasgow's Gorbals named Seren_dipity, by an pathetic mummy's boy named Bigkid and by a host of fellow travellers with codenames such as Lilyofthefield, Inky, Jacob, Scintillant, Florian Gassmann et al. Detterling directed operations and the group communicated through landlines, faxes, mobile phones, telexes, texts and the personal messaging facility of the website. Anyone who looked as if they might be dissident to The Clique's agenda was targeted, harassed, bullied and hounded.

And who was the good man who opposed such evil? Step forward Gene Vincent:  Educator, Novelist, Humanitarian and Humorist. Gene fought The Clique from the very outset. His war cry was:

We shall go on to the end, we shall fight on Opinion Forum,
we shall fight on the seas and oceans,
we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in cyberspace,

we shall defend our principles, whatever the cost may be,
we shall fight on the beaches,
we shall fight on the landing grounds,
we shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
we shall fight in the hills;
we shall never surrender...

He taunted The Clique with:

"COME ON CLIQUE. MAKE MY DAY!"

At times things looked grim. Possibly the lowest point was when a gentleman from West Sussex posted that his wife had committed suicide after being harassed and bullied for months by The Clique. This news seemed to galvanise Gene into a superhuman effort and he staged, metaphorically speaking, his 'Normandy landings' and within a matter of  weeks The Clique was vanquished.

So: "Evil disappears when good men do something."

Now dearly beloved what I hear you ask became of Obergruppenführer  Detterling? Well, my dear brethren Obergruppenführer  Detterling is living right here in your midst on Tyneside. (Gasps and sharp intakes of breath from the congregation) 

Yes, now an old man of 73, he can sometimes be spotted ambling along the Scotswood Road bizarrely dressed in a blue denim jacket, lovat chinos and in green socks in open-toed sandals.  Mostly however he remains indoors listening to his collection of appalling late 60s/early 70s progressive rock albums: Emmerson, Lake and Palmer, Barclay James Harvest and Iron Butterfly.

And why I hear you ask is he not in sackcloth and ashes praying to the Lord to forgive him? Why not indeed brothers and sisters?


Detterling claims to be writing his memoirs. Whether this is so or not I have no way of knowing. And if such memoirs are written it is not for me to speculate on whether they will be published. What I can say with confidence is that in these 'memoirs' there will be no mention of Opinion Forum - or if there is it will be a completely sanitised account.

I called on this wretched soul last week in preparation for this homily. I knocked on his door and after an interminable wait hear footsteps shuffling to the door. The door creaked open and there stood Detterling a pathetic wretch of a man.

"Good morning Mr Detterling I bring you tidings from Gene Vincent, he sends you the following message: 'WHAT LARKS DETTERS!" I said in a most civil manner. He glared at me venomously and snarled in best Fr Jack fashion: "Gobshite!" He slammed the door in my face and as he shuffled inwards I heard a muffled: "Bastard!"

Father Jack:  "Gobshite!"