Step forward 'Canting' Detterling...

Step forward 'Canting' Detterling...

On this grey overcast February day, with the pathetic fallacy right on cue, which aging Tyneside bottlejob's mood matches the gloomy skies?

Step forward 'Canting' Detterling, retired supply teacher and long term malingerer.

And what I hear you ask has cast this Wincarnis-tippling pseud into the Slough of Despond?

I can reveal that the old phoney's depression has been caused by his being once again outwitted by his arch-rival Gene. Detterling thought he would get possession of some archive press material which he could use to maliciously identify Gene and ruin his good name. But Gene was too wily for him and his nefarious plans have collapsed in ignominy.

Shall we visit Chez Detterling and see things close up? Well yes I think we shall.

Detterling is sitting, head in hands, at the kitchen table. He is still in his dressing gown although it is past midday. Delia Detterling is busy preparing lunch.

DETTERLING: Oh! Infamy! Infamy! Gene's got it in for me. I shall be ruined. With Gene's rapier-like wit and finely honed and deadly accurate satire I don't stand a chance. I'll be the laughing stock of cyberspace. Remember Delia how a couple of years back he wrote that devastating piece about me as a teenager climbing up into a sycamore tree with a copy of Health & Efficiency and in the leafy shade engaging in the sin of Onan? I was afraid to show my face on Tyneside for weeks.

DELIA DETTERLING: Oh! for God's sake. Don't be such a canting old phoney Detters. Face Gene like a man on the level playing field of satire. What rubbish about you being afraid to show your face. Not a single person on Tyneside or anywhere else knows you as Detterling. Likewise nobody knows me as Delia. Stop such pretence about you protecting your family. The truth is you don't have the wit, humour or literary style to better Gene in your cyberspace tussle.

And while I am at it please pack in that filthy language you use on your blog. I don't know what is worse: the filthy, obscene language or the filthy graphics. You won't find anything like that on Gene's blog. That's because he has the literary skill to express himself. Besides he is much too decent a man to use such disgusting language. 

And pack in your evil attempts to identify him and cause him harm. Has he ever tried to identify you or yours? Of course he hasn't.

Reporting him to the Daily Mail indeed! And yet you have the hypocrisy to come out with all this pinko liberal rubbish. Call yourself a man?

Oops! Sorry. It looks like we have walked in on a 'domestic'. We shall return later.

Delia Detterling